Let’s talk tea.
Not hot tea — you and Captain Picard can keep your Earl Grey. I’m talking tea the way God originally gave it to Adam and Eve — ice cold, strong, and unsweetened. (If I want to drink a thousand useless calories I’ll do the only reasonable thing and have a Coke.)
This post isn’t about how to make ice tea yourself, but if you want to do that, it couldn’t be simpler. Get a gallon container, put three quarts of hot tap water in it, throw in three large Lipton Cold Brew tea bags, and leave it for a couple of hours.